Too Scared to Admit, Too Stubborn to Forget
by El-chan56
Summary: During the Auld Alliance, Scotland found himself falling in love with France (and vice-versa.) Now, centuries later, he wants to renew the Auld Alliance, but in a much more personal and intimate way. He can handle being denied. What he can't handle is if Frances decides to laugh it off as a joke, and that's what Scotland is afraid of.


This has been converted from an RP, so it may be a little awkward here and there.

Based on a headcanon that reads: Though it wasn't his fault and he fought tooth and nail against it, Scotland felt guilty after the Treaty of Edinburgh. He avoided France fora long time, but it wasn't until the Treaty of Union that he really beat himself up.  
During the Auld Alliance, Scotland found himself falling in love with France (and vice-versa.) Now, centuries later, he wants to renew the Auld Alliance, but in a much more personal and intimate way. (Of course, making England a paranoid mess is a plus. ) He can handle being denied. What he can't handle is if Frances decides to laugh it off as a joke, and that's what Scotland is afraid of.  
Meanwhile, France understood why he did what he did, and, even though he wasn't happy, he accepted it. He is afraid that Scotland lost all interest, and he refuses to get his hopes up when Scotland's around.  
While neither deny their sexual urges, they've never slept with each other, and would stop all other relations if it meant finally being together.  
They just can't find the words to say.

* * *

Red - since the first day Francis had known the other he had decided it was his favorite color. It was due to the fact that it made Allistor stand out, his red hair always making it easy to find his way back to. Then there were those emerald green eyes that Francis had come to love, those eyes that he had fallen in love with.

Allistor sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, lifting a gloved hand to his lips and taking a drag from the freshly lit cigarette. "'S been a while." He said softly, looking to the Frenchman.

"It has been a while.." he replied as he took out his own cigarette and lit it, his eyes never leaving the other's face. With a quick drag of his cigarette he smiled as he took in the other, handsome as always. "You look well"

Allistor chuckled, watching the Frenchman as he took in everything about him. Though he was always seeing him in his mind, be it in his fantasies at night or even he let his thoughts wander, it was nothing compared to seeing him in person. He was so close that Allistor could simply reach out and touch him, feel his skin under his fingers and show him how he really felt.  
But he could never do that. He couldn't risk making himself so vulnerable when he knew how the country of love would react. "You look well." He said simply, taking another drag.

It was always like this between them, an almost awkward tension. They both had such strong feelings for the other yet neither would ever react on it. They'd simply ignore it in order to not ruin their relationship right now, which was hardly more then an acquaintanceship at this point.

"I haven't seen you in ages" Francis's voice held a sadness to it. He wanted to tell him how much he missed him, how he wished he could just hold him. That wouldn't happen though, they would simple finish their cigarettes and leave, not seeing each other for who knows how long.

"'Ages'" Allistor repeated, smirking sadly. That was a good way to describe the lengths Allistor had gone to to try and avoid running into Francis. "Yes, you could say tha'" Just seeing him again was bringing up dark thoughts he had tried so hard to push away. Holding on to his obsession with the Frenchman, as well as his need to posses him and keep him all to himself... It wasn't right, but he knew the longer he was around the man he loved, the stronger the urge grew. He didn't want to betray him again.

Francis had once thought English was one of the most annoying languages he had ever heard, how unromantic it was. The way Allistor spoke though, to him was like music to his ears. He had grown so fond of the mans accent.

Francis' lips parted a bit, as if he was going to say something but he didn't know what to say. There wasn't more to say since what he wanted to he couldn't. His heart instead just ached whenever he saw this man. He was unreachable, he still believed that he had forgotten about him. That Scotland wanted nothing to do with him anymore. "I should go"

Allistor closed his eyes slowly, wrapping one arm around himself and hiding his clenched fist. He refused to show any weakness, or any sign that he was close to snapping and taking the Frenchman for his own. He couldn't do not, not after he had hurt him in an almost unforgivable way. "Yeah..." He said softly, meeting Francois's eyes again. "Tha' might be for the best."

Violet eyes met emerald and he knew this was their last meeting, the last time he would ever see the other again. He could feel his heart slowly breaking as he turned to leave. He had to, the more he stayed the more he hurt, but he didn't want it to end unsaid. He had to do something, say something.

With a deep breath he moved closer to him, taking Allistor's hand in his. He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, the feel of his stubbled skin slowly killing him. He knew his fantasy was over before it ever really even began. "Au revoir, mon Ecosse"

Allistor choked, his hand trembling at Francis's touch. Against his will, his hand tightened around Francis's and he found himself clenching his jaw, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

Before he could stop himself, tell himself that he shouldn't be touching the man he had betrayed so cruelly, he wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into his neck.

The scent of earth over came Francis's senses. In an instant he felt like he was home again, at home with Allistor. There was no second guessing or delayed responses, the moment Allistor was in his arms, so was Allistor in his. Memories of days long past rushed before him, he would only ever think of the happy times. He had forgiven him centuries ago.

His own body was stiff, trying to hold back all the emotions he was feeling at once. He wanted to kiss him so strongly in that moment and be with him. He had waited centuries for this. "Allistor...I" He tried to find the words to express his love, but for once the country of love just simple couldn't.

Allistor sobbed, not able to bear the thought of never seeing him again. He didn't care any more. If Francis hated him, then so be it, he just needed to hold him, to tell him he loved him. "I'm sorry..." Was all he could choke out as centuries of pent up guilt spilled out.

"I know, I forgive you" It was al that needed to be said. All he ever wanted was to hear those words, to hear that he was still loved. It made him feel whole again. He held onto him tight, his hands wiping the tears off the others face, kissing his cheek again.

Allistor blushed, trying to hold back his tears, throwing his cigarette to the ground and wiping them away with the back of his hands, but it no use. Those three words that he wanted to hear more than anything else. He couldn't deal with everything he was feeling, and his only solution was to hold on to Francois as he cried.

Francis would hold onto him until the other had finished crying. He was surprised he hadn't himself, he knew it must of been for the fact that he was the one who needed to be that shoulder to cry on. He needed to be strong for the both of them. He whispered sweet nothings to the other, hoping it would help him calm down. "Je t'ai toujours aimé"

Allistor stiffened at Francis's words, looking up and meeting his eyes. He drew in a sharp breath, trembling as he nodded. "I-I love you too. I always have." He gasped, melting into Francis's arms as joy washed through him.

Those emerald eyes consumed him, his words forever in his heart. He couldn't contain his joy any longer. He had to touch him, to make sure this wasn't some fantasy of his. His hands found their way into that fiery red hair he loved so much while his lips found solitude against Allistor's.

Allistor moaned at the feel of Francis's lips, heat rushing through him as his tears finally ceased. He relaxed, sinking into the kiss like his life depended on it. He wrapped his arms around Francis's neck, trying to taste more of him, putting all that he had into showing his Frenchman that he loved him.

Allistor tasted better then anything in this world. He truly felt like in this one kiss he had reached heaven. All those centuries of waiting, all those waisted moments, this could have happened sooner. He didn't want to ruin or rush anything, not yet. He had to hold himself back a little, despite how wonderful it felt.

"Allistor...I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner. This...all of those wasted years..." He could feel his own eyes beginning to water now.

"You forgave me..." He whispered, holding him. "Tha' was all I needed. I just...I've wanted you for so long, an' I never thought you would..." He could barely speak. He'd never been good with words, nor with showing his true emotions. He was already so vulnerable that he didn't care about his pride in this moment. "I never thought you could love someone like me..." He met Francis's eyes again and taking a deep breath. "I love you." He said, clinging to Francis's jacket. "I love you." He repeated. He just needed him to know that.

Francis could feel them now, the tears falling down his face as he leaned into the others tight embrace. He was loved, and it was love from the man he wanted it from most in this world. Those words rang over and over in his head. "Je t'aime aussi" He repeated the words right back to him."I love you too"


End file.
